¡ Gringuito mentiroso !
Lettres du Pérou (1964-1965), augmentées de commentaires et de quelques précisions, mais néanmoins fortement expurgées d’éléments personnels.
J’ai eu l’occasion de relire, avec une surprenante émotion, les lettres que j’avais écrites à ma famille il y a presque un demi-siècle, à partir de l’exil péruvien. Elles se trouvaient dans le tiroir d’un secrétaire, où la mémoire oublieuse de ma mère les avait enfermées. Ecrites sur du papier avion de mauvaise qualité, avec une encre grasse d’aussi mauvaise qualité, que le temps a fini par effacer en partie, elles sont difficiles à lire. Il était nécessaire de les réécrire, si je pensais qu’elles pussent encore avoir un intérêt pour tout autre que moi, ou pour les quelques rares personnes qu’elles concernent. C’est une histoire privée. Les sentiments, les émotions dont parlent ces lettres sont encore vifs, mais un tombereau d’années les a recouverts. D’ailleurs, peut-on comprendre aujourd’hui l’importance de la religion dans la vie d’un jeune homme ordinaire, peut-on admettre qu’il n’était pas si étrange, à l’époque, d’être comme l’auteur de ces lettres, « christo-freudo-marxiste »? Mais l’intérêt n’est sans doute pas là. Le monde a changé. Celui dont on parle ici est étrange à plus d’un titre, et celui qui le découvre, et cherche à en faire son quotidien, ne réussit qu’à devenir un autre. C’était un monde ancien, une société du XIXème siècle, brusquement forcée de se transformer, et qui renâclait. Un monde où rien n’était encore joué, où les Lumières n’étaient qu’une référence exotique, et qui se préparait à affronter une autre révolution, avec enthousiasme et terreur.
Madrid, 30 juillet 1964
Chers tous,
En vol : Tout est incroyablement, invraisemblablement plus beau que je n’avais pu l’imaginer. La première impression est comparable à celle qu’on a quand on fait pour la première fois de la plongée sous-marine: légèreté et transcendance. L’air est épais, dense, vibrant, et vous, vous êtes enfermé comme une bulle au sein du cinquième élément. Quand je croyais passer la Loire, c’était la Garonne, Bordeaux, et les Landes là-dessous comme de grandes taches vertes sans relief. Les Pyrénées, de très petites choses. Par bonheur, quelques contrebandiers à dos d’âne pour sauver la montagne d’un trop grand dévoilement: on peut voir sans pudeur les sentiers de chèvres, les vallées et les escarpements. On ne saura jamais ce qu’il y a exactement dans le sac du contrebandier. D’où l’utilité des sacs. La Vieille Castille a son sol jaune et rouge, sang et or comme les couleurs de l’Espagne, et ce n’est pas pour rien. Quant à Madrid, un orage m’a empêché jusqu’ici de trop m’y ennuyer: il y avait de beaux éclairs. Aucun n’a foudroyé, c’est bien dommage, le Palacio Nacional ni la Cathédrale qui lui fait face (mais cet affrontement factice masque mal leur complicité). La ville a une certaine majesté, mais je n’ai pas vu de choses vraiment belles. Si ce n’est les parcs. Je suis pour le moment à côté du Retiro. « Los taxistas de Madrid » (chauffeurs de taxi) sont contre la « cooperativa », « y con Franco y su alcalde »! Et ces imbéciles osent en faire état! De grandes affiches partout: « 25 años de paz ». Qué bonito!… énormément de mendiants et d’aveugles (ceux-ci mobilisés par la loterie nationale). Un peuple digne et compassé. Quant à l’organisation: j’ai failli oublier, en sortant de l’aéroport, que j’avais à m’occuper d’une grande valise en aluminium. Le Saint-Esprit a soufflé au dernier moment. Au revoir. Je vous embrasse. Je vous aime beaucoup. On s’en rend compte parfois de façon déconcertante. Mais ce qui s’est rompu, ce n’est que l’extrême frange d’un mystère plus profond. Quédense con Dios.
(A cette époque le général Franco dirigeait toujours le pays et mes impressions s’en ressentent. Le dictateur paraguayen, Stroessner, était alors en visite officielle. Je découvrais avec surprise que la langue livresque, que j’avais essayé d’apprendre avec Assimil, pouvait me servir dans la réalité. Bien mal pourtant…)
Lima, le 31 juillet 1964
La première escale américaine fut Caracas. C’est une de mes plus fortes impressions. C’était l’aube à peine commencée, la lumière était bleue et rose, reposait la mer et grimpait à angle droit à l’assaut des montagnes qui défendent la ville.
(J’ai nettement le souvenir d’avoir fait, avec un compagnon de rencontre, une virée sur l’autoroute qui escalade ces montagnes. Est-ce vraisemblable? Ai-je rêvé? En tout cas, un film documentaire vu récemment à la télé m’a donné de cet endroit un très fort sentiment de déjà vu…)
Curaçao (deuxième arrêt) est un petit aéroport de type colonial et « bidons ». Curieux mélange de « Hollandais et de Nègres », résurgence étrangement ressentie de préjugés raciaux à peine soupçonnés auparavant (tragique mais vrai!).
(Dans mon souvenir, cette impression raciste est complètement gommée, en tout cas en relation avec Curaçao dont je revois seulement les maisonnettes à pignons hollandais peintes de couleurs pastel. Par contre, il y a dans mon souvenir de Panama une appréhension sourde, celle de voir tant de gens à la peau noire et de me sentir une exception).
Panama est un hall de gare (je parle de l’aérodrome, mon expérience s’arrête là). Influence yankee perceptible dans le clinquant et l’exploitation commerciale. Puis ce fut Guayaquil, quelques arpents de terre calcinée entre la mer et d’interminables lagunes. La ville se prolonge par des faubourgs lacustres où les anophèles doivent faire la loi.
(La lettre ne parle pas de la fatigue intense, de la chaleur mortelle, ni des régimes de grosses bananes plantains omniprésents – « plátanos de Guayaquil ». Elle ne rappelle pas que c’est là que Bolivar a rencontré San Martin, et obtenu, Dieu sait comment, qu’il lui abandonne la suprématie sur le Pérou et sur la Bolivie).
En passant de l’Equateur au Pérou, on passe de la forêt vierge au désert. Le survol du pays est vraiment déprimant. J’ai filmé quelques paysages par le hublot. Puis, on voit une mer de nuages, ronde et parfaitement localisée: c’est l’épiphanie de Lima. La descente sur la ville est une vraie descente aux enfers: on passe d’une planète à l’autre, en se diluant dans une masse de brume compacte. Et la ville qui apparaît là-dessous est immense et pâle, presque anémique au premier abord.
Lima, 3 août 1964
Il faut que je vous raconte toutes ces choses que j’ai esquivées la fois passée, parce que j’avais peu de temps, que j’étais fatigué, et que j’étais encore plongé dans la délirante ambiguïté de ces premières heures. On parle mal quand on est à la fois incendié de joie, écrasé de fatigue physique et stupéfait d’une curieuse inquiétude. Vous aurez compris cela. Je vous avais parlé d’une cité pâle et brumeuse, il n’aurait pas fallu me pousser pour que je la dise franchement laide. Je vous dirai comment peu à peu cette impression s’est transformée…
Accueil très sympathique. On m’a conduit en voiture à Jesús Obrero, une paroisse située dans un quartier populaire, voisin des barriadas. Le curé belge, absent, était remplacé par un jeune vicaire péruvien d’origine chinoise, Padre Juan: charmant, ouvert et hospitalier. L’église est moderne, simple, les rues avoisinantes sont d’interminables artères qui se coupent à angle droit, bordées de maisons ouvrières au toit plat qu’on fleurit l’été, et qu’on peint gentiment en couleurs pastel, rose bonbon, vert pâle, bleu, jaune, sans trop tenir compte de la nuance choisie par les voisins. Sous le ciel toujours désespérément blanc (on était en hiver), cette diversité de couleurs est indispensable.
Samedi, j’ai payé le tribut des grands voyageurs par un dérangement gastro-intestinal classique, à la suite d’une ingurgitation excessive d’ « anticuchos », brochettes de cœur de vache. J’en ai guéri bien vite à l’aide d’une diète sévère, mais à cause de cela je n’irai voir le directeur des stages qu’aujourd’hui à 1h.
Vous dire maintenant comment j’aime Lima… le Lima populaire tout au moins, celui de Surquillo, des chauffeurs de « colectivos » (taxis collectifs) qui, lorsqu’ils vous ont pris en affection, vous conduisent où vous voulez pour rien, téléphonent d’eux-mêmes à l’aéroport pour savoir quand venir vous prendre à votre descente d’avion. Le Lima des mauvais garçons qui hantent les rues de Surquillo à minuit et qui se mettent en quatre pour aider l’étranger, pour lui indiquer son chemin, qui lui répètent cinq fois leurs renseignements pour être sûrs d’être compris (et le portefeuille était encore là!). Maintenant, ne pas s’y tromper : c’est une des villes où le nombre de vols et larcins en tous genres est le plus élevé au décimètre carré. Les Liméniens volent avec une gentillesse, une élégance inégalable. Ils ont une incomparable innocence. La scène du père Jo qui monte son enregistreur à sa chambre et redescend dans la rue. Un homme monte peu après, et redescend avec l’appareil. Trouve le Père qui lui bouche le passage du trottoir: « Dispense, Padre ». – « Pase Vd. ». – « Muchas gracias, hasta luego ». Et s’en va calmement. Le Père n’a compris que deux minutes plus tard. La scène des ouvriers en bleu de travail qui pénètrent à l’église pendant un office, et qui déménagent tranquillement une horloge. Les autres religieux présents se disent: « Tout de même, ce Père Curé, faire exécuter des travaux pendant la Messe! ». Il s’agit d’une forme primitive de commerce, en fait, d’un véritable troc, la marchandise volée s’en va, s’en vient, passe de main en main, les affaires marchent.
La grande partie de la ville de Lima est ainsi faite de maisons sans beauté, aux murs humides et lépreux. Les services publics paraissent assez déficients, il y a d’énormes trous dans les trottoirs et des bouches d’égout sans grilles (attention aux promenades sentimentales!). Les murs sont couverts de graffitis politiques multiples et contradictoires que je déchiffre avec passion. La population est de toutes couleurs, on voit beaucoup d’Indiennes portant le chapeau de feutre et la crepiña (le porte-bébé).
Je n’ai pas encore visité la ville d’un point de vue touristique, il n’y a d’ailleurs pas grand-chose (réflexion arrogante d’un primo-arrivant!). J’ai respiré l’air qu’il y fait. Dans quelques temps j’oserai goûter des pâtisseries, qui paraissent délicieuses mais passablement indigestes (le turrón de Dona Pepa, et surtout le gâteau au manjar blanco me laissent un souvenir impérissable!). Dans les beaux quartiers, l’architecture respecte avec soin le style baroque fondant, adore les moulages en stuc extravagants, les grilles de fer forgé (souvent belles) et les balcons de bois sculpté. Certaines résidences de chirurgien à la mode ressemblent à des palais mauresques. Les femmes guettent aux moucharabiehs… Mais le luxe architectural est strictement localisé à quelques avenues. On en sort aussi vite que de la Cité du Vatican, et sans la moindre transition: passé le coin, les enfants sont vêtus de loques crasseuses, des familles entières vivent sur le trottoir, de vieilles Indiennes édentées vendent des repas douteux cuisinés sur le pavé, les murs sont interminablement recouverts de litanies politiques en rouge: « Justicia para las Cooperativas », « APRA, APRA, APRA » (L’APRA, Alianza para la Revolución Americana, est un parti d’origine marxiste et ‘indigéniste’ qui depuis le début des années 60 avait conclu une coalition avec le principal parti de droite, et faisait une politique de droite, tout en gardant une forte base syndicale), « Defenderemos a Cuba », « Perros »…
Ce matin, à la messe, j’ai observé une coutume admirable: un homme qui apportait à l’autel, avec force marques de dévotion, des signes de croix multiples compliqués de baisers sur la main, une petite boîte à vitrine contenant une statue indéfinissable. Il l’a placée à côté du crucifix pour qu’elle emmagasine bien toutes les grâces possibles durant la messe, et puis l’a reprise et rapportée chez lui. Les grâces diffuseront et parfumeront la maison jusqu’au dimanche suivant.
Lima, 11 août 1964
Chers tous,
Je commence à travailler à l’Hôpital Loayza le lundi 17 à 8h. « Todo se ha arreglado ».
Le 14 août: Je ne continue ma lettre qu’aujourd’hui. Bien des choses se sont passées en quelques jours. A l’occasion de l’achat de cinq livres d’initiation à la broderie, pour les besoins de la Prélature d’Ayaviri, j’ai eu un premier contact enchanteur avec la bureaucratie locale. Vous connaissez le Ministère de l’Éducation, ce splendide building construit par le dictateur Odría, dont il y avait une photo dans la revue Fanal que je vous ai laissée. Sylvie m’avait donné l’adresse du bureau où ces livres étaient en vente: 10ème étage, Departamento de Educación para el Hogar. Je pénètre ému dans ce temple de la connaissance, fais la queue vingt minutes en attendant l’ascenseur. Au 10ème je me renseigne: « No sé ». « Essayez au 16ème, le Bureau de la Famille ». Vingt minutes d’ascenseur entre les étages… « No sé ». « Allez voir au 7ème au Bureau des Services techniques ». 20 minutes, « no sé ». Mais là, on me donne l’adresse d’un centre « artesanal de mujeres de Lima », à une demi-heure en bus. Reçu très gentiment, mais ils n’avaient pas la série « broderies ». « Nada de bordados »… Un conseil judicieux: « Vous devriez aller au 10ème étage du Ministère de l’Education » (où nous les avons finalement trouvés!).
Parlons un peu des démarches que j’ai dû faire auprès de la Faculté. Tout s’est bien passé finalement, bien que je ne sois encore que « interno ad honorem », sous conditions, jusqu’à ce que les certificats arrivent. J’ai été voir deux fois le Dr M., ami de l’ambassadeur en Belgique, qui m’a ménagé une entrevue avec le Doyen. Celui-ci, un peu batracien comme le sont tant de médecins en place, mais du genre gentil (un batracien gentil, quoi…) ne s’est pas fait prier longtemps. Quelques lignes griffonnées sur du papier à entête, une nouvelle visite à B., et je recevais le règlement de l’internat avec la mission de commencer le travail lundi prochain. Ce règlement est assez draconien, comme vous pouvez le constater: de 8 h à 18 h tous les jours de semaine, les dimanches et jours fériés de 8 h à 12 h, et ce qui est plus grave, vous comprenez pourquoi, pas de vacances du tout du tout. Un jour à Noël, si on n’est pas de garde.
Mercredi passé, nous sommes partis à trois sur la route du Centre, celle qui aboutit au Cuzco, en passant par Chaclacayo, Chosica, Cutimarca, jusqu’au défilé de l’Infernillo (petit enfer), à 3600 m (presque la hauteur d’Ayaviri. Vous avez appris qu’à Lima c’est l’hiver. Un hiver doux mais affreusement humide, sans vraie pluie, mais des bruines continuelles, et des suicides. A 25 km de la ville, douze mois sur douze le soleil brille, sauf pendant les courtes averses qui sont alors diluviennes. Lorsqu’il fait humide à Lima (six mois sur douze), il ne tombe pas une goutte d’eau à 25 km et vice-versa. Nous avons donc cherché le soleil, les fleurs, les fruits délicieux (chirimoyas – une merveille -, granadillas, etc.) et les poulets-pommes frites (grande spécialité) parmi les premières manifestations du pittoresque indien. Nous avons remonté le fleuve-qui-parle, le fleuve oracle, le Rímac, qui n’est qu’un torrent de montagne, presque jusqu’à sa source. La vallée est verte, fleurie, boisée d’eucalyptus, elle monte sec mais si régulièrement qu’on ne s’en aperçoit pas. De chaque côté commence le « cerro pelado », la montagne où rien ne pousse, des sentiers de chèvre invraisemblables, d’anciennes mines d’or abandonnées, d’autres qui ne le sont pas, que l’on n’atteint, vers les 4000 m, qu’au prix d’efforts épouvantables. Tout cela se voit d’en bas. Il y a même des villages, à 2 ou 3 mille mètres au-dessus de vous, dont on cherche vainement la raison d’être et la possibilité d’y vivre. La vallée est aussi l’un des hauts lieux du mal nommé verruga, une sorte de lupus dû à un protozoaire, et de la fièvre de La Oroya, qui en est la forme généralisée, souvent mortelle. Ces maladies sont transmises par un moustique, qui ne sort que vers 6 h du soir. Durant la journée, on ne risque rien, mais gare à qui passerait la nuit! Nous avons croisé le « pont de la Verruga », près duquel des centaines d’hommes, des Chiliens travaillant à la voie ferrée (celle de Tintin) seraient morts du mal en question. Il y a de cela une cinquantaine d’années. La fréquence a sérieusement baissé!
Nous nous sommes donc arrêtés à 3600 m, dans un admirable défilé d’une étroitesse et d’une profondeur impressionnantes, pour voir le paysage, et aussi pour faire un petit 100 m au pas de charge, histoire de connaître l’effet que ça fait. C’est un peu plus fatiguant qu’au bord de la mer bien sûr. Mais très à l’aise… Il paraît que 3000 m sous les tropiques équivalent à 4000 m en Europe, pour le retentissement physiologique. Au retour, nous avons rapidement visité les ruines de Cajamarquilla, une ville inca (en fait, pré-inca) toute en terre, qui a bien dû compter 40.000 habitants, et qu’on commence seulement à fouiller sérieusement. J’ai filmé beaucoup durant cette journée, rien dans les ruines malheureusement, elles sont dans le brouillard liménien, et il faisait trop sombre. A propos de ruines, on a découvert, il y a une semaine, près de Vilcabamba, une cité quatre fois plus grande que Machu Picchu.
C’est vers ces jours-là que grâce à un étudiant dont j’avais fait la connaissance, j’ai fait mes premières armes dans un dispensaire de nuit. Le travail consistait à recevoir des blessés ivres, amenés souvent par leurs agresseurs, et à recoudre ce qui pouvait l’être. Je n’avais encore jamais fait une suture! L’étonnement des mes « confrères », qui n’avaient souvent fait qu’une ou deux années de faculté, faisait peine à voir. Mon humiliation aussi.
Lima, 24 août 1964
Chers tous,
Je profite, pour vous écrire, d’une nuit de garde à Loayza. ….
J’ai déjà reçu deux lettres de Sylvie depuis son départ. Toutes deux d’Arequipa. Après un voyage facile jusque là, la Jeep est tombée en panne.
(En réalité, il y avait eu un accident. Le véhicule était hors d’usage, les passagers indemnes, sauf l’une, légèrement blessée. Mais tous ont failli y passer, car le véhicule avait dérapé, était tombé dans un ravin. Sylvie ne m’en a parlé que bien plus tard).
Elle était partie avec d’autres, en un petit convoi fait d’une camionnette et d’une Jeep. Voyage de deux jours et demi ou trois jours, très fatiguant, avec arrêt à Chala et Arequipa. La première fois dans un hôtel crasseux, la deuxième fois (la plus longue, à cause de la panne), dans un des très nombreux couvents d’Arequipa. Sur 1000 km on longe la mer, ce qui signifie un désert de dunes à perte de vue, avec de temps à autre une vallée à l’aspect tropical, des orangeraies, des bananiers.
Pour ma part, imaginez-moi de 8h à 19h en blouse blanche, déchiffrant l’espagnol de mes malades comme on décode un langage secret, livré sans autre défense qu’une vaillante surdi-mutité aux réflexions souvent aimablement caustiques de mes « maîtres » liméniens, nommés Abraham et Ismaël.
(Ismaël Reyes était le chef de service du Pavillon 8, médecine interne. Il avait une soixantaine d’années, cheveux blancs, moustache blanche, profil indien. Un très mauvais caractère, mais un sens clinique extraordinaire. Il était manifestement amer de ne pas avoir fait une plus belle carrière, et se sentait victime d’une cabale raciste: « el Indio Reyes » était sa manière habituelle de parler de lui-même. Il était apriste, et admirait Nicolás de Piérola (un dictateur nationaliste du XIXème siècle). Il méprisait cordialement les jeunes femmes qui se mettaient du vernis aux ongles des pieds, et ne comprenait pas les jeunes qui s’embrassaient à pleine bouche… Il faut dire que la tuberculose faisait des ravages. Abraham Feldmann était son second, et bien sûr, son rival. Juif roumain, ou moldave, il représentait une tout autre tradition. Lui aussi se sentait mal apprécié dans ce pays qui le considérait encore comme un étranger. Au début, il était heureux de voir en moi un presque compatriote, et il espérait sans doute que je démontre l’excellence de la médecine européenne. En quoi j’ai dû, sûrement, le décevoir.
(Tous les jours, le tour de salle commençait à 8h du matin et se terminait à midi. Habitant Surquillo, dans la banlieue, je devais me lever à 6h et trouver un « colectivo » vers le centre. Heureusement, il en passait beaucoup: des voitures ordinaires, souvent déglinguées – j’en ai vu une qui n’avait plus de fond, on mettait les pieds sur les barres métalliques de la carcasse…
A partir de midi, les médecins allaient s’occuper de leurs clients privés. Les internes se retiraient dans leurs appartements pour y faire la sieste rituelle. Vers quatre heures de l’après-midi on se réveillait, on allait voir les malades dont on avait la charge, on préparait le tour de salle du lendemain).
Loayza est un semis de pavillons de ciment, entourés d’herbe et de palmiers. L’ensemble ne manque pas d’allure ni même d’un certain style. Les salles sont très bien tenues. Il est beaucoup plus pénible de visiter l’ « Emergencia », où l’on amène les patientes qui doivent être hospitalisées et qui souvent attendent là plusieurs jours avant qu’il n’y ait pour elles un lit de libre. Tantôt couchées sur des civières, tantôt sur de simples bancs, enroulées dans une couverture infâme, sans le moindre coussin pour arrondir les angles. Mais le spectacle de ce genre de « logement » est fréquent à Lima.
Je m’entends bien avec les autres internes, on m’a même fait entrer dans une sorte de clan assez fermé dont les membres sont liés d’une manière originale dont je n’ai pas encore compris toute la subtilité. Une tentative de créer des liens familiaux, para-familiaux ou pseudo-familiaux au sein du monde très clos que forme le personnel de Loayza. Les horaires sont si chargés qu’on n’a guère le temps d’avoir des activités extérieures. Mais à l’intérieur par contre, on a d’amples loisirs qu’on occupe à converser longuement de futilités, à manger des tripes de vache au pili-pili (appelé ici ají) ou bien à applaudir telle chanteuse créole venue faire un peu de propagande pour la vente de ses disques. Le milieu est bien sympathique, mais un peu désespérant par son manque d’ouverture à tout ce qu’on dit en Europe « d’intérêt général ». Les collèges d’ici sont déficients et cela se remarque. Je n’ai eu de conversation un peu sérieuse qu’avec un interne mormon. Sans doute la langue y est-elle pour quelque chose, mais ce n‘est pas là toute l’explication. J’ai décidé d’aller assez régulièrement aux réunions d’une cellule de l’Union des étudiants catholiques. Le même problème s’y rencontre. Une fois par mois, réunion chez les « volontaires du Pape », mi-yankees mi-péruviens, mais les yankees y sont en rupture de ban et les Péruviens engagés. Cela fait un groupe où tout le monde, à peu près, fait en personne du travail social. Cela me change de tout ce que je connais! C’est là aussi que j’ai entendu prêcher un prêtre espagnol pour la première fois. C’est un peu surprenant. Je n’étais pas habitué à une théologie si sûre d’elle-même.
(Dans ce petit groupe d’étudiants qui m’accueillait, j’avais reçu une « mère » et des « sœurs ». Ma mère s’appelait Soledad. C’était une jolie fille. Je pense que ces liens familiaux conventionnels avaient pour but de lier entre eux les internes sans leur permettre, dans une situation où l’on passait de longues heures ensemble, de se rapprocher trop intimement).
25 août
Tous les matins de 8h à 9h30, je vais apprendre à couper et à coudre à la consultation de petite chirurgie. Comme on disait là: « sacar uñas, curar pechos » (arracher des ongles, soigner les (abcès aux) seins). Et il y en avait!… Je pense vous revenir un peu plus « médecinisé ». Entretemps je crois être condamné à paraître idiot tant que je n’ai pas l’air malin. J’ai donc bien l’air idiot. En prendre courageusement son parti est possible, mais nettement plus facile à dire qu’à faire. Tant pis.
Il fait un temps aux environs de 10° au dessus de zéro. « L’hiver le plus froid qu’on ait connu depuis 13 ans »!! Mais c’est désagréable, parce que dans tout le Pérou il n’y a pas une seule maison chauffée. J’ai consulté avant-hier le dermatologue. Après de longues discussions contradictoires, il semble que je souffre d’allergie aux piqûres de puces (plus exactement, aux insecticides! Je me plaignais comme un foutu gringo: « las pulgas, no las conocía, ¡no existen en mi tierra! » – tu parles…- quand le médecin péruvien cherchait à me réconforter: « ¡cada uno tiene sus pulguitas! »). A l’effet désagréable des piqûres s’ajoute donc une aimable urticaire. Le Père V. m’a raconté pour me consoler plusieurs aventures dermatologiques survenues à des gringos nouvellement arrivés. Je peux m’estimer heureux.
Je vous embrasse tous, appelle sur vous les bénédictions conjointes des deux saints nationaux d’ici, Rosa de Lima et Martin de Porres. Sans compter le Señor de los Milagros, une affreuse Crucifixion (jugement injuste !) qui paraît efficace pour les peines de cœur ou quand il y a le feu à la maison.
Je vous écris tout cela dans de mauvaises conditions, car je tombe de sommeil. Vous excuserez donc ce qui manque à cette lettre pour qu’elle soit amusante, pour qu’elle nous rapproche mieux. Paqarinkama! (A bientôt)
Lima, le 3 septembre 1964
Ça bouge! Les choses désagréables ne sont déjà plus qu’une perspective d’austérité avortée, rétrospectivement angoissante. Une nouvelle corne d’abondance déverse ses bienfaits sur la Cité des Rois. Le carnet de chèques est arrivé ce soir, et demain partira l’accusé de réception. Au même moment on m’annonce l’arrivée du Cherry Victory, fleuron de notre flotte marchande, port d’attache Anvers, destination Callao. Je crains que la peste bubonique ne se déclenche à bord: le capitaine vient d’avoir 40 ans! Il s’ensuivrait ce que vous savez bien, un long voyage dans la Sierra, du soroche, des avalanches, des tapirs enragés, un soleil ivre au bout de tout cela. C’est bien ce que j’attends, en effet, du temps qui vient, du temps qui passe et du temps qui vit.
Avec le soulagement qu’on devine, j’ai entendu el Indio Reyes accepter de se passer de mes services pendant une semaine, pour me permettre d’assister en Ayaviri au baptême d’A. J’ai téléphoné la nouvelle au dispensaire, c’est aussi simple que de téléphoner de Bruxelles à Louvain et coûte 49 Soles 85 pour trois minutes (plus ou moins 100 francs belges). J’attends chaque jour le coup de téléphone de Sylvie m’annonçant la naissance imminente de son filleul, et je saute alors dans le prochain avion. Aller-retour 1600 Soles à peu près. Cela pose d’emblée quelques problèmes de trésorerie que l’on résout en souriant (C’était quand même un mois de ma bourse!). La compagnie s’appelle SATCO, les hôtesses de l’air sont peu aimables, on dîne et lunche à l’oxygène pur en bondissant d’une neige à l’autre.
Une lettre récente de Sylvie annonce son prochain départ pour Sandia. Elle y partirait après le baptême et remplacerait D. pendant un mois. Sandia est un chef-lieu de province, presque au bout de la route qui fait l’épine dorsale de la Prélature, bien au-delà de Coaza, aux portes de l’Amazonie, mais à haute altitude encore. Après cela, on parle de l’envoyer fonder un dispensaire à Llalli, un aimable village au sud ouest du Vent-qui-tue (Ayaviri).
Il y a là-bas des tas de gens qu’il me faut absolument écouter et voir parler, pour savoir si je dois les aimer ou les détester cordialement. Ce sera bientôt fait.
En ce qui me concerne, je passe par de très bonnes phases, et aussi par des moments où je fais tout de travers. C’est un rythme organique, une respiration. A la place d’un bon cerveau à tiroirs j’ai un cerveau à spirales, à colimaçon, aux étranges recoins oubliés, aux aimables surprises, aux puits sans fond. Je m’étais bien adapté au rôle d’interne en second, lorsque je travaillais en compagnie d’un « plus ancien » qui faisait tout sauf ce que je lui prenais. Depuis trois jours j’ai seul la responsabilité de dix malades, c’est tout autre chose! Il faut, le plus essentiellement du monde, penser aux choses opportunes au moment opportun, c’est-à-dire pour moi la chose surhumaine par excellence. Et il y a toujours des grands prêtres incas qui jouent avec des têtes de mort en bouquet et s’ « amarguent » sur vous si vous « mettez la patte ». Mais cela n’est rien. J’ai suffisamment de motifs de consolation, et je suis forcé d’apprendre énormément, de mettre en branle les lourds rouages à volant de réflexes conditionnés qui ne s’arrêteront plus désormais de me venir en aide. Ojalà!
Depuis quelques jours le temps change à Lima Vous avez désormais la permission de m’imaginer sur un fond de ciel bleu. Le brouillard se retirant, on découvre avec surprise qu’on a vécu tout ce temps entouré de hautes montagnes, lourdes présences invisibles. On aperçoit leurs masses désertiques au bout des perspectives familières, des rues qu’on parcourait tous les jours sans autre horizon qu’un fond de coton sale. Les Andes sont des montagnes qui marchent, elles nous assiègent maintenant comme les armées de Manco II ou de Condorcanqui.
À part mon milieu de Loayza et, le soir, les quelques habitants de Jesús Obrero, je vois très peu de gens. Je ne connais personne encore parmi les « bonnes adresses » qu’on m’avait fournies avant de partir. Je regrette surtout de ne pas avoir rendu visite encore à Luis Vier, le directeur de Cooperación Popular. Il s’agit d’un organisme qui veille au développement du pays en faisant travailler les communautés villageoises elles-mêmes, encadrées de techniciens. Ils ont réussi à créer un esprit, un enthousiasme un peu mystique en ressuscitant de vieux termes incas pour désigner la forme de travail coopératif qu’ils remettent en vigueur. C’est l’indispensable condition de la réussite! Trop efficace, peut-être, virtuellement, l’organisme est en butte aux attaques enragées de la majorité apro-odriiste au parlement, la sinistre coalition droite-pseudo gauche… C’est actuellement le grand sujet de conversation en politique. Mais j’ai bien de la chance lorsque je parviens à quitter Loayza avant 8-9h du soir. Quand ce ne sont pas les malades qui me retiennent, ni les rapports à taper à la machine (une invraisemblable machine dont le chariot dérapait à mi-course et qu’il fallait rattraper), ce sont les internes eux-mêmes et leur aimable mépris du temps, leur faculté à bavarder des heures durant sans rien dire, dans une sorte de psychoplégie végétative, avec le plaisir cependant d’être en société. Ce plaisir-là leur suffit à l’état pur, sans qu’il soit besoin d’aucun support intellectuel, d’aucune distraction extérieure. Entre 1h30 et 4h de l’après-midi, je fais mes courses, j’écris, je vais poster mes lettres, je joue au touriste aussi. Mais ce n’est pas le moment de rendre visite aux gens.
(Parfois je me payais un pisco sour ou « con algarrobina ». Le tourisme était en fait réduit par une sorte d’inhibition au plaisir culturel. Je n’ai jamais visité le Musée archéologique, par exemple… Mais j’ai vu dans la Cathédrale le cadavre momifié de Pizarro, qui a conservé à travers les siècles son profil d’oiseau de proie).
Ayaviri, 15 septembre 1964
Enfin arrivé! Il faut profiter des douches chaudes comme d’une aubaine infiniment précieuse! Vous voyez, je n’avais pas encore eu le temps de vous raconter notre espoir de rencontre et déjà il est réalisé. Sylvie lave les langes du filleul. Dans la pièce voisine, j’entends les échos d’une démonstration flanellographique en qechwa pour les paysannes du Campo. Nous avons pris le petit déjeuner dehors, en face des marécages de la Moya, des moutons et des chevaux qui y paissent, en vue aussi de toutes les montagnes neigeuses du Melgar, de leurs sommets de plus de 5000 m, qui nous sont proches et attirantes comme autant de pièges. Le soir lorsque les multiples couples se retrouvent et qu’on met des disques d’Yves Montand et d’Anne Sylvestre, nous osons à peine imaginer le tableau que nous offrons aux yeux d’Alejandrina, la muchacha. Tout au moins celle-ci, qui est l’intermédiaire entre les gringos et l’opinion publique ayavirénienne, pourra-t-elle témoigner d’une chose: les étrangères ne sont pas là pour les Picpus. Nous contribuons ainsi à l’éducation religieuse du peuple, nous remettons en question les catégories les mieux établies, nous provoquons les plus fécondes remises en question…
Emergencia de Loayza , 24 septembre 1964
Cela fait un temps fou, me semble-t-il, que je ne vous ai pas écrit. Ne m’en veuillez pas, il s’est passé énormément de choses, et de merveilleuses, depuis ma dernière lettre. Peut-être le savez-vous par une lettre de Sylvie, nous nous sommes revus contre toute espérance, pour le baptême d’A. J’avais exposé à Reyes la situation tragique où se débattrait sa vie durant ce pauvre enfant sans parrain. Il m’a accordé une semaine de congé. Mais après tout, je crois vous avoir déjà raconté cela. J’ai pris l’avion le 16 septembre à 6 h du matin. Nuit de garde l’avant-veille, de manière à bien creuser un déficit de sommeil déjà fort important. La veille, en allant saluer le P. Jo, notre ami Picpus, à la Recoleta, je tombe sur la chef de mission, qui venait passer quelques jours à Lima et m’avait cherché déjà sans résultats. Effusions larges et cordiales, suivies d’une fondue au « Chalet suisse ». La soirée se termine à minuit, et bien sûr il me reste tous mes bagages à faire avant de me lever à 4 h du matin pour gagner l’aéroport. Dans la fièvre des préparatifs et le sommeil envahissant que vous devinez, j’ai dû encore faire quelques prescriptions et rédiger des instructions pour « mes malades » de l’hacienda San Juan. Je vous parlerai de celle-ci, mais chaque chose en son temps. L’avion de la SATCO a quitté le brouillard liménien pour survoler quatre heures durant le plus beau désert saharien dont vous puissiez rêver, alternance d’ergs et de regs, de dunes de sable sale et de collines de pierraille, avec de temps à autre la coulée verte d’une vallée cultivable, ou l’ensemble de taches géométriques d’une hacienda arrachée de haute lutte à l’envahissement des sables. L’escale d’Arequipa m’a permis de voir le Misti, une pyramide presque aussi parfaite que le Fuji Yama, entourée d’une collerette de neige dont l’épaisseur régit les passions des colériques habitants de la ville. C’est le printemps là-bas, les genêts sont en fleurs. Je n’ai pas vu de spectacle aussi dépaysant ailleurs au Pérou: on se croirait en Europe!
Après Arequipa, l’avion monte sans arrêt jusqu’à 5500 m, et la cabine n’est pas pressurisée. On vous donne de l’oxygène à respirer, parfois utilement mélangée de senteurs balsamiques car on danse odieusement dans les trous d’air. Ce que je connais des Andes, ce sont des montagnes tristes et lentes: on y atteint presque sans le savoir les 4000 m de l’altiplano, parce que ce n’est pas un sommet ou deux, mais tout un pays qui s’élève, mètre par mètre, comme essoufflé lui-même par son effort. Ce qui est trop gigantesque n’impressionne plus… Les neiges ne commencent timidement qu’au-delà de 5000 m. Dans ces villages de l’Altiplano, toute la couleur qui n’existe ni dans le paysage, ni sur les constructions de terre, se concentre sur les vêtements des femmes et les crepiñas brodées dont-elles emballent leurs enfants.
L’altiplano est une étroite bande de plaine entre deux murailles de montagnes pelées, où s’engouffrent les vents. La seule végétation est l’ichu, une herbe longue et piquante, dure au point de traverser le cuir des bottes de Sylvie, et dont se nourrissent les lamas (ce qui leur donne mauvais caractère…). Le plateau est parsemé de troupeaux qui se déplacent lentement, comme poussés par le vent, de huttes de terre au toit d’ichu qui s’agrippent valeureusement à leurs fondations de poussière. Au rythme des nuages de sable, naissant d’eux parfois et y retournant quand leur temps est venu, voyagent les hommes au pas rapide et mécanique, enveloppés du poncho comme d’une chape de silence. Ils font la route de l’altiplano, entre le Cuzco et le lac Titicaca, la route des anciennes invasions, celle de Manco Cápac et de ses frères Átar, guidés par une verge d’or. Nous l’avons faite plusieurs fois et même, timidement, nous avons visité le lac. Vous connaissez cela, ces interminables étendues de roseaux, les balsas aux voiles carrées, les îles flottantes des Urus que l’on ne peut qu’imaginer. Vous ne savez peut-être pas qu’une Université a ouvert ses portes il y a quelques années sur les bords du lac et compte déjà trois facultés. Les professeurs nous ont même invités à un repas champêtre dans « leur île », à 50 m de la rive. Repas de « corazón de vaca », d’ « espaldas de cordero », rôtis à la braise et accompagnés de la nourriture la plus abjecte que je connaisse, le chuño blanc, triste substitut de pomme de terre, patates desséchées au soleil, gelées au cours de multiples nuits de montagne, détrempées ensuite un mois durant dans des trous d’eau au bord des rivières. C’est très littéralement vomitif et désespérant. Qué rica su comida!
En Ayaviri, longuement, nous nous sommes promenés entre 4000 et 4500 m, sur les bords du marécage où paissent et se baignent bœufs et moutons, dans la plaine et la steppe, et sur quelques hauteurs voisines. Les Pères nous ont fait souffrir avec leurs cours de qechwa (prononcez kr’echwa) en nous apprenant à dire: « nous aimons les hommes qui lavent leurs pieds chauds ».
Je n’ai ressenti aucun désagrément du fait de l’altitude. En descendant de l’avion, bien sûr, on se sent un peu « flappi no más ». En y remontant, un peu désespéré.
Avant de terminer la lettre – il faut vraiment que j’abrège – quelques nouvelles de l’hacienda San Juan. Je crois vous avoir déjà parlé de ce morceau de sierra aux portes de Surquillo, dont les habitants travaillent pour l’Assistance publique (la Beneficencia ») et sont affreusement exploités. J’y vais maintenant tous les dimanches après-midi pour un petit « consultorio » où je me fais la main, j’espère sans trop de dommages pour eux. Deux « infirmières », s’il vous plaît, Ofelia (une fille de bonne famille de Miraflores qui vit exactement comme eux, toute seule, et qui a une peur affreuse des « loups, bandits et fantômes » les plus loufoques), et une autre qui s’appelle Fortunata. Je ne vais pas bien vite encore, je vois une dizaine de malades entre 3h30 et 7h..
Lima, 12 octobre 1964
« Dia de la Raza y de la Hispanidad » (officiel!)
Découverte du Nouveau Monde
Congé…
Je me partage entre la conquête de nouvelles terres et la garde des souvenirs; vos lettres sont donc une moitié de moi-même. Je suis heureux des nouvelles reçues, et jaloux de toute cette réalité que je ne connais pas. Je commence à comprendre aussi ce que c’est que la vie de médecin, mais je n’ai pas encore très bien réalisé comment c’était possible… Pour le moment, aucun problème, mais comment fait-on quand on est marié? C’est une question. Je crains fort qu’elle ne reste sans réponse, parce qu’il n’y en a pas, et qu’il faut se contenter de vivre, courageusement, à la grâce de Dieu. Bon. Ma santé, je la crois fort bonne, en tout cas j’ai un appétit féroce qui demeurera légendaire parmi les Liméniens, à côté de la Perricholi et du sacrifice d’Alfonso Ugarte. Je crois même que je grossis un peu. J’ai combattu les puces par la prière, sinon par le jeûne, et par le DDT. J’en ai encore, bien sûr, elles vous assaillent traîtreusement quand vous vous penchez sur la poitrine des malades pour écouter les râles crépitants. Mais ne vous vous inquiétez pas: dans la sierra elles transmettent le typhus, pas ici. D’ailleurs elles ont déjà moins de sympathie pour moi qu’au début. Dans quelques mois se sera établi l’équilibre biologique. Je vis toujours parmi les curés, sans développer semble-t-il d’allergie à leur égard. Je commence à « entendre » l’espagnol sans plus devoir l’écouter au prix d’un effort surhumain. A l’hôpital les contacts sont amicaux, mais handicapés comme le sont, je suppose, la plupart des contacts professionnels, par le fait que les gens se définissent plus par ce qu’ils font que par ce qu’ils sont. En dehors, je n’ai que très peu l’occasion de participer à des réunions, et lorsque l’occasion se présente, le courage manque parfois. Guère le temps donc de m’occuper de politique subversive ou de préparer la révolution prolétarienne. Mais elle se fera sans moi tout aussi bien.
J’envoie quelques feuilles de coca, venant du marché d’Ayaviri, à M. N. J’en connaissais l’odeur depuis longtemps, l’ayant respirée sans le savoir sur bien des malades. Pour moi, c’est donc avant tout une odeur de maladie. C’est déjà mauvais comme cela, ce l’est encore infiniment plus quand on les mâche, comme ils font, avec de la chaux qui en extrait tous les principes subtils, aromatiques et alcaloïdes. Dès les premiers instants, la cocaïne anesthésie les muqueuses en surface, provoquant une curieuse impression d’aliénation. Lorsque l’impression disparaît, on est aliéné pour de bon. Je ne crois pas que j’approfondirai cet univers, la morphine et le haschisch sont supérieurs…
Je ne puis m’empêcher de penser à Llalli comme aux lettres possibles de notre destin. Et ce village, où de toute manière Sylvie travaillera quelques mois au moins, après Sandia, grandit en moi peu à peu comme un arbre. Pourvu que ce ne soit pas un baobab. Sylvie l’a visité déjà. Elle a choisi elle-même l’endroit où l’on bâtira la « posta médica muy jolie » et aussi l’appartement. Voici ce qu’elle me dit dans sa dernière lettre: « Llalli me plaît. Ce ne serait pas mal si nous devions y retourner. Pour y aller on prend la route d’Umachiri – celle de notre pique-nique, on continue tout droit, et on voit apparaître au loin un village très étalé au pied de hautes montagnes. Ce qui est frappant: beaucoup d’arbres. La partie droite (du village) en toits d’ichu, la gauche plus nettement en calamine (tôle ondulée)… Le village plus ancien a bien du cachet – agréable et reposant, parce qu’il y a réellement ce qu’on peut appeler ici beaucoup d’arbres. Toujours les mêmes: des coolies, à toutes petites feuilles vert foncé, comme le buis. Cette partie est protégée par les montagnes hautes, et en certain endroit de beau rocher abrupt ».
(Si nous étions allés vivre à Llalli, il est possible que nous nous serions fait tuer par le Sentier Lumineux. Car ce beau village fut témoin d’un massacre et parmi les premières victimes, en ce cas, il y avait les policiers et les coopérants: ceux-ci risquant de détourner les paysans de la révolution en améliorant quelque peu leur sort).
Moi, je ne sais pourquoi, j’avais toujours pensé à Macusani, la capitale de Carabaya… à cause du nom. Mais Macusani est le plus sale coin de la Préfecture, à 4300 m. Sylvie est prête à tout, sauf à la selva et aux serpents corail. Mais elle apprendra peut-être à aimer l’une et à s’accommoder des autres, à force de voisinage.
A San Juan, l’hacienda, San Juan el Teólogo, San Juan mes vacances, j’ai déjà une trentaine de clients, dont les fiches s’amassent, rédigées dans un sabir franco-espagnol, et trois « infirmières », Ofelia, Fortunata, et la sœur de celle-ci dont j’ai
oublié le nom. Le « consultorio » se trouve dans le living-room d’Ofelia, le « tópico » (salle de soins) dans sa chambre à coucher/cuisine/salle de bain. La salle d’attente est à l’air libre, on installe un banc devant la porte, là où les chiens ont coutume de se battre en hurlant, et de mordre les gens qui s’approchent de trop près. Cela fait marcher le commerce, et couler à flot l’eau oxygénée et le mercurochrome. Des chiens enragés, il y en a beaucoup paraît-il. L’un d’eux a mordu quarante personnes l’autre jour dans un quartier de Lima. On projette d’exterminer en masse les dizaines de milliers de « perros vagos » de la ville. Quant aux « vagos » humains, on les embarque à destination d’une sorte de camp de concentration dans la sierra. Le résident de l’hacienda, représentant de l’ordre et du rendement, est un Russe, B…ov. Probablement un ex-colonel cosaque de l’armée de Koltchak. Il habite la grande maison centrale aux murs jaunes, de style colonial, à côté de l’église désaffectée qui fut aux Jésuites au temps de sa splendeur. Il emploie les femmes au travail des vignes, cela leur donne des arthroses, et moi je soigne les arthroses au nom de Dieu. Il emploie les enfants aussi, main-d’œuvre peu syndiquée, et les jours de congé il les envoie au « collège » de l’hacienda pour qu’ils apprennent que le Pérou est un pays riche et libre, symbolisé par la corne d’abondance et la vigogne des rochers. Qu’il y a au Ciel un Dieu fort et jaloux, qui a délégué à ses prêtres le pouvoir de lier et de délier dans le ciel et à lui, B…ov, celui de lier et de délier sur la terre et parmi les champs de maïs.
Les « Volontaires du Pape » et du Cardinal Cushing, organisation bien sympathique d’ailleurs, ont fondé un Centre d’alphabétisation, qui mobilise trois « maestros » pour trois élèves. Les autres ne viennent plus : ils ont à présent tous les soirs à l’hacienda la télévision et ses programmes idiots, les merveilles du monde en boîte, à diluer dans trois parties d’eau bénite.
Je mène la vie d’un fonctionnaire par sa régularité, d’un aventurier par sa signification et sa résonnance. A Loayza, parmi mes malades, « quelques-uns sont morts, beaucoup vivent encore, qui peuvent témoigner de ces choses », comme dit Saint Jean. Heureusement… C’est évidemment une période assez critique pour moi. Ceci n’est pas à lire à tout le monde. Je vais vous ennuyer un peu en vous racontant l’aspect négatif de mon expérience. Mais il faut bien que j’en parle, sinon cela se tourne et se retourne en moi sans trouver d’issue. Hier soir, j’ai été soigner Ofelia qui pensait mourir (chute de tension). Je suis rentré à 1h, j’ai donc assez peu dormi, et j’étais fatigué aujourd’hui. Le Dr F. a critiqué un dossier que j’avais fait, disant que je n’avais pas de méthode. C’est peu de chose en soi, mais cela a réveillé en moi une lésion diffuse, et m’a laissé passablement déprimé. Une petite sieste m’a déjà fait beaucoup de bien, mais le fond du problème est intact. Le voici: vous savez que j’ai toujours eu horreur des commencements. D’autre part, je ne suis pas préparé adéquatement à mon travail. J’ai déjà appris énormément, mais je suis encore souvent forcé d’avouer mon ignorance. De plus, j’avais souvent remarqué à Louvain que les étudiants étrangers, surtout lorsqu’ils paraissaient manier déjà bien la langue, semblaient lents d’esprit, et même un peu bêtes. Je comprends cela de l’intérieur maintenant. On est livré comme sans défense à des gens mieux armés, on s’explique mal, on offre de soi-même l’image d’un sourd-muet, que les autres interprètent mal. Ensuite et surtout, j’ai mes défauts propres. J’apprends mal les techniques, quelles qu’elles soient, moins d’ailleurs les techniques manuelles (non, mes mains ne sont pas tellement en cause) que les techniques d’organisation. Lorsque j’étais un travailleur indépendant, « j’allais où je voulais », j’étais « seul arbitre de mes divagations ». J’avais presque oublié à quel point j’étais distrait, à quel point cela pouvait un jour constituer un handicap dans le travail. Aujourd’hui, j’écris « lit n°36 » au lieu de 26, et l’infirmière corrige; « un comprimé toutes les 12 heures » au lieu de toutes les 24 h, et c’est l’autre interne qui rectifie. J’oublie d’aller rechercher tel résultat d’EEG, etc. Tous les jours, il y a quelque chose. Quand on me demande un résumé de l’histoire clinique de telle malade que je connais bien, je n’arrive plus à me rappeler de qui il s’agit, et pourtant tout est là, en moi, mais la mémoire n’obéit pas. Par moments je me sens réellement infirme. Le travail s’en ressent, bien sûr, et l’opinion des autres qui, dans ce nouveau milieu, est entièrement conditionnée par ce que je fais. Surtout, je réagis très mal à l’humiliation, vous savez bien que c’est ainsi depuis toujours.
Je crains un peu qu’une situation ne se développe, dont je ne puis encore évaluer toutes les conséquences. Je lutte bien, mais avec la sensation d’un échec possible, et peut-être davantage contre mes craintes elles-mêmes que contre ce qui les cause. Je devrais m’appliquer davantage, être plus présent aux choses, mais je me demande comment les autres font. Excusez cette confession. Vous savez bien que je m’y prends toujours bien à temps, que je présente une situation comme un fait alors qu’il s’agit plutôt d’une projection pessimiste dans l’avenir. Je préfère, au moins en matière morale, avoir recours à la thérapeutique quand il est encore possible de l‘utiliser. A côté, il y a l’autre volet toujours présent, tout aussi réel, les progrès que je fais, les expériences positives, les connaissances qui se fixent, et même la découverte de possibilités peu soupçonnées dans les contacts avec autrui, avec les mêmes malades, la vertu d’un sourire, d’une parole ou d’une intonation (en manière d’explication, deux personnes déjà m’ont longuement demandé conseil dans leurs difficultés sentimentales, ici à Lima).
Si je me souviens bien, c’est à vous que j’ai fait part de la commande d’un stéthoscope que m’a faite le Dr Feldmann. C’est ennuyeux, mais s’il vous plaît faites le nécessaire. Ce n’est pas une blague, il m’en parle souvent.
Il faut que je termine. Bons baisers à vous.
(El Ocho
Mon stage de médecine, de quatre mois pleins, se terminera bientôt, à la fin de décembre. Je l’ai fait au pavillon 8, « el Ocho ». Et même si j’en ai déjà écrit quelque chose, de façon éparse dans différentes lettres, il me semble utile de dire ici tout ce que les lettres à ma famille ne disent pas. L’hôpital Loayza porte le nom d’un ancien archevêque de Lima. Il était géré par la « Beneficencia », l’assistance publique, il accueillait uniquement les gens les plus pauvres, et manquait évidemment de moyens. Mais c’était un hôpital universitaire qui se piquait d’être à la pointe de la science médicale et qui, à certains points de vue, l’était. El Ocho était un pavillon de femmes, exclusivement, ce que les conditions d’hébergement rendaient bien nécessaire. Il y avait souvent deux femmes dans un même lit, par manque de place. Dans ce cas, elles reposaient tête-bêche, un système que je retrouverai à la Maternité, avec la présence surnuméraire des bébés de chaque côté du lit. Ici, pas de bébés, mais toute la misère du monde. Toutes ces jeunes femmes tuberculeuses! Je me souviens surtout de nombreux cas qui sont devenus exceptionnels en Europe, comme les péritonites tuberculeuses, qu’il fallait vider régulièrement en perçant la peau du ventre avec un gros mandrin, ce qui chaque fois me donnait l’impression d’agresser ou de tuer; les méningites tuberculeuses, qui évoluent lentement, et changent peu à peu la personnalité de la malade, la rendant geignarde, pleurnicharde, exigeante, entêtante. Beaucoup de patientes étaient des Indiennes de Lima ou de la Sierra centrale. Celles-ci ne parlaient souvent pas l’espagnol. Aucun interne évidemment ne connaissait le qechwa (et s’ils l’avaient connu, jamais ils ne l’auraient avoué). On se servait donc de la voisine de lit ou d’une autre patiente comme interprète, on se débrouillait, souvent bien mal, mais le rapport devait être coulé dans le moule scientifique le plus pur. Il y avait aussi des « zambas », (Afro-péruviennes de la Côte), et des « chunchas », Indiennes d’Amazonie. Celles-ci nous amenaient d’autres pathologies, souvent inconnues de nous, voire des traités de médecine tropicale. Un jour, devant le lit d’une malade qui nous venait du Departamento de Amazonas et qui avait une forte fièvre, nous nous étions tous agglomérés pour écouter le rapport de l’interne et les commentaires du patron. Reyes ne disait rien, il écoutait parler les autres avec son petit sourire madré. Et puis, très calmement: « Ça pourrait bien être la peste… ». Nous avons tous reculé, certains sont sortis de la pièce d’isolement où on l’avait déjà mise, par prudence. Un certain amour-propre m’a empêché de reculer de plus de trois pas. L’hypothèse n’était pas invraisemblable. La peste existe toujours à l’état endémique dans certaines régions du versant amazonien. Ce sont surtout les animaux qui l’attrapent, ils en souffrent moins que les hommes et la leur transmettent rarement.
J’ai déjà parlé de la « verruga ». Cette maladie-là vient du versant pacifique, là où il y a encore de l’eau et des moustiques, c’est à dire des vallées qui dévalent la montagne. J’ai vu avec curiosité ces petites « framboises » sanguinolentes sur la peau de quelques patientes, en pensant avec respect à la folie de Daniel Carrión – qui se fit inoculer les sécrétions infectées pour mourir peu après de la fièvre de la Oroya, démontrant par là que les deux maladies n’étaient que deux formes de la même « bartonellose ».
Beaucoup de patientes plus âgées étaient toutes jaunes, elles se mouraient de cirrhose, ou de cancer du foie. Je me souviens d’une vieille dame qui, Dieu sait pourquoi (je pense que nous nous étions mal compris) m‘avait traité de menteur. Je m’étais expliqué du mieux possible, mais rien ne put l’empêcher de m’appeler, dès qu’elle me voyait, « gringuito mentiroso! ». Surnom qui m’est resté… mais heureusement pas au-delà des murs de Loayza. Une autre m’avait ému, là aussi Dieu sait pourquoi: elle me faisait penser à ma grand-mère. J’allais la voir, lui parler, même si je n’étais pas responsable de son dossier. Je savais qu’elle allait mourir bientôt. Le savait-elle? Un jour je n’ai pas pu m’empêcher de déposer un baiser sur son front.
Après le tour de salle, nous allions manger au réfectoire des internes, où mes camarades m’interrogeaient souvent sur l’Europe et sur l’étrange pays d’où je provenais. « Est-il vrai qu’en Europe la virginité des filles n’a pas d’importance? ». « Comment pouvez-vous avoir une démocratie, puisque vous avez un roi? ». J’essayais d’expliquer. Mais souvent cela dépassait mes capacités linguistiques, surtout au début. Heureusement, ils n’avaient pas la patience d’écouter de longs discours, et la conversation reprenait sur les filles, sur le sport… Rarement sur la politique. On était parmi de futurs médecins, qui évitent en général ce genre de sujet partout dans le monde, et plus encore à Lima où les antagonismes étaient forts. On m’avait expliqué que les étudiants pouvaient être de très bons amis, sans jamais s’inviter chez eux, à cause des trop grandes différences sociales qui risquaient d’apparaître et de gêner l’un et l’autre, le bourgeois de Miraflores et l’habitant des barriadas. Parmi les bizarreries dont on constatait chez moi l’existence, il y avait mon indifférence apparente aux « chicas » – pourtant fort jolies – dont nous étions entourés. Pour éviter toute équivoque je parlais de ma « novia » qui était venue ici avant moi, qui travaillait comme infirmière dans la sierra. On me demandait de montrer sa photo (« qué guapa! »). Mais si elle était venue pour travailler dans la sierra, elle devait être encore plus folle que moi! (« Qué frío en la sierra compañero, no te das cuenta! »). Comment peut-on imaginer que ces citadins prennent un jour en charge la santé publique d’un pays dont-ils veulent ignorer les neuf dixièmes?
Au mois d’octobre de chaque année, à Lima, il y a un grand événement auquel j’ai participé par accident : la procession du Señor de los Milagros. Un mulâtre pauvre a peint en 1687 une crucifixion sur un mur, et ce tableau a vite fait l’objet d’une vénération populaire dans le quartier de Pachacamilla. Vénération trop païenne au goût du clergé, qui a ordonné sa destruction. Mais il a été impossible de la détruire, les gens chargés de cette mission avaient bien trop peur. Lors d’un tremblement de terre, la peinture est restée intacte. Reconnue officiellement comme miraculeuse, l’image est portée tous les ans en procession. Les fidèles, surtout des afro-péruviens, mais aussi des gens modestes de toutes les couleurs, s’habillent alors de violet. La procession draine des dizaines de milliers de personnes dans les rues étroites de la vieille ville ou des quartiers populaires. C’est hallucinant, cette longue chenille violette qui progresse lentement, en oscillant de gauche à droite, dans l’ambiance hypnotique des chants religieux. On craint à tout moment d’être écrasé par la pression de la foule. Dès qu’il y a un endroit libre, une place, un dégagement, des marchands vendent des scapulaires violets, des images, des médailles, des turrones de Doña Pepa, gâteaux caractéristiques de l’événement).
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